I’m so glad the holidays have come and gone. December is one of those months when I often give up on my strict no sugar rule. There are too many fun treats and traditions to enjoy like gingerbread houses. Unfortunately, this feeds the fits of my youngest, who’s sensory processing disorder goes wild with sugar.
Just one more!
This particular day he had already eaten several treats and was melting down for “Just ONE MORE!” He sat on the stairs by the kitchen crying at me, “ But MOM! It really makes me sad when you tell me no to something I REALLY want RIGHT NOW!! I don’t want to wait for later. I NEED it now! MOM you are making my heart so sad right now.” His words stopped me dead in my tracks, as his plea resonated with my own heart’s cry for a baby. “God do you know how much this hurts? Do you hear my cry for mercy? God, you tell me to ask and I will receive. Why then, have we had to wait for what feels like an eternity (6 months of actual time since we miscarried our sweet baby Jacob.)”
Before I could respond or even get frustrated with my son, my eyes filled with tears as I struggled to steady my voice to respond. I said, “SON don’t you know that mommy doesn’t say NO to hurt you?! Mommy says no because I want you healthy and well. I have your best interests at heart. Mommy promises! Mom love you! I can see that you will be sick and it won’t be good for you to have any more candy tonight. Yes, I see that makes you sad and honestly, it breaks my heart to see you sad. But, I know how much more it will hurt in the future if you have it, RIGHT NOW!” I embraced him, even though he didn’t really want it right then, because he was still mad.
I wonder if this is how God feels…
When I beg him for the 1,000th time, LORD PLEASE!!! I’m trying to trust your timing but, it’s taking SO LONG!! My heart aches to hold my husband’s child! Yet here he stands saying with a gentle, all-knowing voice, “ I love you my child and I see your hurts! I have your best interests at heart!
Hebrews 12:11-15
“11-No discipline is enjoyable while it’s happening – It is painful! BUT, afterward, there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.
12- So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees!
13-Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will NOT FALL BUT BECOME STRONG.
14- Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the LORD.
15- Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God, WATCH OUT that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many. “
Oh Lord, that you would help me to remember your discipline is for my own good, so that I may experience your peace. Oh, Father help me mark our a straight path so I won’t fall into the lies of satan but, become strong in your truths. Jesus help us to draw nearer to you so that no poisonous bitter root would cause trouble for us! -Amen
Psalm 28:1-2,6-7
1-2- “OH LORD! I cry out to you for help, as I lift my hands to your holy sanctuary.
6- Praise the LORD! For he has heard my cry for MERCY.
7- The LORD is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart, He helps me, my heart is filled with JOY, I burst into songs of thanksgiving.”
Father, we often Cry out to you because you are our ABBA FATHER. You are HOLY and TRUE! God, we praise you! Father, thank you for hearing our cries and listening! Thank you for being our strength and shield. Father God, we WILL CHOOSE TO TRUST YOU WITH ALL OUR HEARTS! Then you will allow a new song of joy and thanksgiving to rise up in us. Thank you God, for you are GOOD!!! -Amen